Today an old friend contacted me over gmails little chat system. Just a simple hello that developed into an all day back and forth conversation. We hadn't been in touch since last summer. Since then I of course have delivered my baby and she has apparently started growing one.
This gives me mixed feelings.
A. I am so freakin' happy for her. In spite of our complicated past I wish her such goodness that it makes me smile without thinking.
B. I am sad that our friendship has changed in so many ways that is unlikely I will ever know her child.
C. I miss being pregnant. Up until 6 weeks ago I was big with child. Very big and usually moody. But still, I love all the uncertainty and possibility that you feel with a pregnancy. Once you deliver it is all done. The mystery is over (at least until you realize that you have no idea when your baby will start to reach all the exciting milestones...or if it will ever lose the funny ear hair it was born with). Plus now that the wee one is here I can no longer hope for the delivery I dreamed of. What happened happened and you can't go back. Same thing applies to my relationship with this old friend.
D. I have no friends with whom I can share all the ups and downs of gestating. I have mommy friends, yes and som eof them are efinitively pregggers. But they are a different sort of friend, the kind you see and are happy to see but probbaly wouldn't call just to chat or say you hate your kids today or that your post-partum belly is still numb.
E. There are very few people who know my whole story. There will always be bits and pieces that have totally changed me that only a few are privy to.
But I am mostly happy for her and her husband. The excitement and possibility of a first pregnancy is crazy intense and wild. Also crazy scary but that never gets easier.
Overall I am glad she got in touch with me. It never hurts to discover that someone you want to say hello to wants to say hello to you too. Know what I mean, Vern? Was Vern universal as an advertising campaign or do people have no idea of what I speak?
This gives me mixed feelings.
A. I am so freakin' happy for her. In spite of our complicated past I wish her such goodness that it makes me smile without thinking.
B. I am sad that our friendship has changed in so many ways that is unlikely I will ever know her child.
C. I miss being pregnant. Up until 6 weeks ago I was big with child. Very big and usually moody. But still, I love all the uncertainty and possibility that you feel with a pregnancy. Once you deliver it is all done. The mystery is over (at least until you realize that you have no idea when your baby will start to reach all the exciting milestones...or if it will ever lose the funny ear hair it was born with). Plus now that the wee one is here I can no longer hope for the delivery I dreamed of. What happened happened and you can't go back. Same thing applies to my relationship with this old friend.
D. I have no friends with whom I can share all the ups and downs of gestating. I have mommy friends, yes and som eof them are efinitively pregggers. But they are a different sort of friend, the kind you see and are happy to see but probbaly wouldn't call just to chat or say you hate your kids today or that your post-partum belly is still numb.
E. There are very few people who know my whole story. There will always be bits and pieces that have totally changed me that only a few are privy to.
But I am mostly happy for her and her husband. The excitement and possibility of a first pregnancy is crazy intense and wild. Also crazy scary but that never gets easier.
Overall I am glad she got in touch with me. It never hurts to discover that someone you want to say hello to wants to say hello to you too. Know what I mean, Vern? Was Vern universal as an advertising campaign or do people have no idea of what I speak?
posted by MZ @ 6:12 PM
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